I'm just going to start with a disclaimer; I don't think you're stupid. I'm not trying to be patronising, it is my incredibly biased opinion that this song may be a little confusing to outside ears. I may be totally wrong but I'm going to operate on the assumptions that I've made.
This song is not a conventional love song. It is a song about love, or confusion in love, but not strictly a love song. I wrote this song almost a year ago, for a purpose. It's one of the two I've done so with and the only one that I actually used for said purpose. I wrote this song to tell my best friend that I had developed feelings for their ex. Their recent ex. Who they had dated for over a year. Those feelings may or may not have been developing subconsciously while they were dating. Also, it may not have been intended as a permanent break up, more of a "Ross and Rachel" dealy (is it ironic that my name is Rachel?).
This was my dilemma: Do I tell my friend about this and risk our friendship over a relationship? Or do I ignore it, while love interest is still (in effect) single and I pass up this rare chance at a functioning relationship?
I decided, as I often do, to gamble. I chose a time when my friend had been talking a lot about a potential new relationship, so I felt it was as good a time as any to confess my feelings. I wasn't totally sure how to go about it. I was certain that if I tried to do it in a conversational way that I would either screw it up completely or chicken out.
So I wrote a song.
Any time I recount this story to people (which isn't often) their reaction to this is "That's kinda weird". I know. My thought process was thus:
1.If I put the effort into writing a song, with rhyme and everything, I'm much less likely to back down, purely for time and effort lost.
2. I am much more eloquent when I've had a chance to write down my thoughts and learning a song is less tenuous than writing and learning off a script.
3. A song gives me about three minutes of uninterrupted speech to get everything across, which could be useful.
What you have already heard is the result. I was going for a "determined but apologetic" tone. Bear in mind, the object of my affections knew nothing of this. The song is basically, "Look, I know there's history but this is what I'm doing, try to be okay with that." It sounds bitchy put that way. Maybe it is bitchy. I was torn. I'm seventeen, I was sixteen at the time. Life is trial and error in these in between stages, I took a chance.
Anyway, I sang this song to my friend. What followed was rough for me. The friend took it well at first but then not so well. We didn't have a normal conversation for nearly a month. 28 days, to be exact. Like I said, It wasn't a good time for me. I can't assume it was better for them but in that time I pretty much lost my only friend, they had others. I gravitated towards the only things I had left (also the people who had started this) myself and the person after whom I was pining. We started dating 23 days after the bombshell was dropped.
So yeah. I don't mean that to sound as melodramatic, this is mostly a relay of my feelings at the time. Looking back, I don't know if I should have handled it differently. This did work out in the end but I don't know if I would have saved myself a lot of pain in keeping my stupid mouth shut. My friend and I are back to more or less normal, though I'd be lying if I said nothing had changed because of this whole thing. They are currently with the person whose mention triggered my decision to go through with it, seven months I think it is. They are happy. Myself and love interest have been going out for almost nine months and we're both really happy. I guess that's the thing that would sway me had I to make the decision again. My gambling paid off. And hey, I got a song out of it.
Embrace the Madness
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