One of the main arguments being made by those in opposition to the referendum passing is that allowing same sex couples to marry will redefine what it means to be a family. It will undermine pre-existing "traditional" families and heterosexual families to come by showing that the man or the woman in those relationships are redundant, by virtue of there being families without one or the other.
Nonsensical arguments reflective of poorly veiled homophobia aside (But a brief jab before I do: I see no one suggesting that heterosexual widows or widowers with children immediately remarry, nor that single mothers or fathers should be obliged to find a partner lest their children be unalterably damaged. No, that would be absurd. It's perfectly fine as long as they're straight.)
Ahem. Yes, nonsensical arguments reflective of poorly veiled homophobia aside, I want to talk about redefining family. But first, I'm sharing this campaign video for the Yes side. It deserves all the praise it can get and then some (it's a bit of a tear jerker, you've been warned)
I love it. I love it because it highlights something that members of the LGBT+ community know so well: That we are a family. In a time when the traditional image of the Irish village community seems so far removed from reality. A time when people are living further and further apart. A time when people care more about privacy and security than helping their neighbours.
In a time when community can seem like a relic of the past, groups of people who were traditionally outsiders band together and make their own family. This is far from new. We are constantly redefining what it means to be a family.
I ask you, if the 1987 show Full House was about three men in a polyamorous relationship would it be such a stretch? The show (for those of you who don't know) was about a father (Bob Saget) of three daughters who, after the death of his wife, raises the girls with the help of his brother-in-law (John Stamos) and best friend (Dave Coulier). No one in their right mind would deny that they're a family. And the three main male characters obviously care about each other. I mean, everywhere they look, everywhere they go, there's a heart, there's a hand to hold on to. And when they're lost out there and they're all alone, you'd better believe a light is waiting to carry them home- okay I'll stop.
More recent, examples: Friends. Two and a Half Men. How I Met Your Mother.
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| I mean, they were all fucking, it's basically what conservatives think LGBT+ people do but with straight people and on TV for 10 bloody seasons with nary a complaint (except maybe around Ross and Rachel's "will they, won't they" bullshit, that was ridick) |
People think of the LGBT+ community as analogous to family and jump straight to things like "Rent" or Eytan Fox's "The Bubble" or John Cameron Mitchel's "Shortbus" (not that they don't count). Take a step away from the bohemian "alternative lifestyle" stereotype and its obvious that we have family-but-not-technically-family imagery everywhere.
So I say let's continue to redefine family.
Let's redefine family as a chosen one.
Because so many LGBT+ people learn quickly that biology does not ensure unconditional love. On the contrary, that love bears the expectation of grandkids, of the appropriate son or daughter-in-law, of the religion, race and gender of the person and people you will love.
Let's redefine family.
Because biological privilege does not come with a form to fill out. Biological privilege does not insist upon careful forethought, "Are we ready for this? Who will this person be? Who will I be to them? What challenges will they face and can I advise them? Can I provide for this child? Can I protect them?"
Let's redefine family.
Because we live in a world where some people can bring the most vulnerable of tiny humans into the world by mistake. We have a cultural duty to provide a supportive and tolerant environment beyond the confines of traditional family.
They say you can't choose your family. It's true. You can't choose your parents. You can't choose your inherited race or ethnicity. You can't choose if your father is abusive, or your mother's a gambler, your granda's a racist, or your sister's a homophobe. Redefining family means providing a community for people connected to hatred and ignorance by blood. Family should mean more than just genes. Family can mean more.
As the old saying goes, blood is thicker than water, but which is healthier? I'm paraphrasing. And I added the bit at the end. Is that a weird analogy? Yes. Yes it is.
Disclaimer: I'm not saying that traditional families are inherently bad or damaging to children. I'm saying that there should be other options. One's family can be one's friends, one's adoptive family, one's remarried father or mother's new partner's family. Family is a versatile term and there's a whole lot of chaos in the mix. This debate isn't even really about children, or family. Marriage equality is about marriage.
In conclusion, families already look and act incredibly different from one another. Trying to ignore that fact is futile. Trying to act like mixed race families or the families of same sex couples are some sign that "political correctness has gone mad" is idiotic. No one is going to be marrying their grandparents, that's gross and I'm pretty sure there are totally separate laws against it. People are not going to be marrying their dogs. Dogs cannot consent to marriage and at this point you know you're being facetious, cut that out.
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| I don't know if dogs can marry each other. I feel like the tax benefits would be a little wasted on them, don't you? Also, I like to think these are both boy or girl dogs. They're fucking dogs, man, they don't know what marriage is, or gender. Real cute though. |
People are going to marry each other because they want to get married. The LGBT+ community and its allies are not some evil liberal spite cult trying to drag you kicking and screaming into the 21st century. You're already living in it. All this is in your back garden already. "The neighbourhood" has already metaphorically gone if that's how you want to look at it. If you want out, get out, I hear Mars is super homophobic. Like 100% homophobes out there, you'd love it. Buhbie now.
This maybe got off topic...Eh.
Embrace the Madness
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