Doctor Who Season 8 Episode 1: "Deep Breath"

Hey guys. So, a new episode of doctor who has just been aired and WE HAVE A NEW DOCTOR! Aaaand all the complications that come with that. There was a fair bit of discussion about the casting of Peter Capaldi as the 12th doctor, whether or not we should call him twelve at all (nerds and fandoms love their timeline sorting, as I'm sure you know savvy reader) and all that lovely stuff. I myself contemplated a blog entry on the doctor's casting but the moment passed and I missed my shot (though I'll make my female doctor argument at a later date, I assure you). I am not about to miss the iron while it's hot this time, oh no, I am going to strike it! Right now. Which is what I'm doing.

Can you tell my brain is in Doctor Who mode? Because it is. Very firmly so.

Dat. Coat. Tho.

It's all very exciting, and, in the spirit of exciting things, I decided to do something a little bit different and exciting and take notes while watching the episode (you know, like an actual good reviewer) and make live commentary instead of live tweeting for the first fifteen minutes then getting bored. To give you a fun insight into my thought process while actually watching the episode, here are those notes. We take risks here on mental notes.

(Disclaimer: These will only make sense in the context of the episode. If you have not seen the episode, go watch it. There might be spoilers. I'm not sure what constitutes a spoiler in terms of half structured thoughts. There will definitely be spoilers further down the page. You've been warned.) 

• Writing for Matt Smith sounds very strange coming from Capaldi's mouth.
• The Doctor is not a man, Vastra, he's a Time Lord.
• Vastra is not a lizard, Jenny, she's a Silurian.
• Is this series gonna be 90% Scottish jokes?
• New title sequence. Can I get a "ripping off Game of Thrones" up in here?
• Hold on, is Vastra saying the doctor chose young faces? It's random, isn't it? And if not, that makes him seem hella manipulative.
• The judgement thing... I get it but it doesn't seem relevant considering how the Doctor's been acting (ie. like he's just had a lobotomy)
• Oh god, that tree fall sequence... New director, guys? Editor maybe? Standards for what looks and sounds good?
• New sound effects. Weird.
• Note: Moffat likes horse jokes. And the trailer shock value of putting big dramatic things in different time periods (and then doing very little with them once they're there)
• I do like the new score, anything with more brass is a plus in my book.
• Anachronistic door blipper serves no purpose other than throwaway gag. Nice work Moffat.
• "Planet of the pudding brains" is not something that should be said in a Scottish accent with a straight face. Ever. Moffat, write for your current casting, not Matt Smith.
• It's been half a season and about a year, I'm still pissed they didn't opt to keep Victorian era Clara. Does no one else think it'd be interesting to explore a the possibilities of an out of history companion?
• Moffat seems to think that the sole contents of Clara's subconscious are deflected narcissism, passive aggressivity and guys. Surely this is proof enough that she needs better development?
• Oh my god, Moffat, leave Clara alone!! I know it's through Strax but seriously, in the space of ten minutes you've hit her with a newspaper, called her ugly, perved on her brain and now you're staring at her chest and saying she's going to get fat! That's not funny, it's mean and immature. We get it, you don't know very much about how woman operate. Can we move on?
• "I need a big long scarf... No I've moved on from that, it looks stupid" I see what you did there.
• Why do they keep saying the face is a choice? Since when is that a thing?
• Are they seriously making "eyebrows are Scotland" comparisons? Really? Also does that make doctor who a cononically "anti Scottish independence" show? I guess it's BBC...
• The well may make "blame the English" a 12th doctor thing... Not sure how I'd feel about that.
• Oh hi there, pointless and gratuitous cleavage scene. With the lack of "doctor harassing Clara" I almost thought we wouldn't make our misogyny count for the episode.
• Vastra and Jenny's relationship seems borderline abusive, especially emotionally... Also, Moffat, lesbians are not just like men, they tend to have slightly more respect for women. You can't superimpose your objectifying ways onto Vastra and make it okay.
• I'm sorry, the doctor isn't complicated? What?!! Have you watched the last five six season of this show?
• Clara's characterisation is incredibly inconsistent. Was she this shallow and quick tempered last season?
• Oh, you miss Amy? Was Amy better at grabbing the sonic with her feet? Moffat, stop projecting.
• What the fuck?!!! A ball busting joke? A FUCKING BALL BUSTING JOKE? Holy shit, Moffat, what the fuck are you doing?!
• Robot dude, if you could find most of a face you can find all of a face, the corner missing is clearly just for effect. Not a bad effect but it'd make more sense to have it revealed in a fight or something rather than "barefacedly" flaunt your (literal) plot hole.
• The disobedient student thing is so rushed, it barely holds any weight. Set up and pay off need some time in between, Moffat, otherwise it's just lazy writing.
• Clara has never been a control freak! And how did the robots not notice the doctor breathing from inside the skin suit thing?
• Rule of film #1, do not refer the audience to a better film they could be watching instead. Ie: don't reference "The Girl in the Fireplace", a much better written and structured episode (and at the same time draw attention to the fact that Amy Pond's early relationship to the doctor was basically a rehash of the Madame du Pompadour storyline in season 2. Who taught you to write, Moffat?)
• Ooh, got some parallels going on with that serving tray. We're getting deep. Too bad that the Doctor's face is random and really pretty irrelevant.
• Wouldn't the robots be able to hear the kiss breathing thing? And for god's sake, stop exploiting Vastra and Jenny! They were interesting characters until they basically just became vessels for lesbian jokes.
• Are they suggesting that the doctor killed him? Are they really trying to leave that ambiguous? They know we know he's the same person, right? We're not all dipshits like Clara suddenly seems to be.
• Okay, I refuse to believe that Clara is the person who knows the doctor best in all the fucking universe. Stop pushing that. What about Martha? What about Jack, Mickey, River?! There are plenty of people who've known the doctor longer and clearly understand him better. Cut the "Clara knows him best" shit out.
• I like the chair. The chair is an improvement.
• Clearing up the platonic relationship dealy right off the bat, this is good. Bets on how quickly they'll fuck it up...?
• There's a very determined shipper out there.
• Oh for shit's sake, I thought they were gonna get rid of Clara. Does this mean we're still stuck with her? I mean, I don't have a problem with her specifically, she's very attractive and can be cool and interesting but I'd rather they start afresh with a more consistent character.
• I'm not sure if I'm supposed to recognise the woman in the last scene. She has a very "Sherlock's Irene Adler" vibe to her. And she talks like River (well, post "Silence in the Library" River). 
• Moffat loves having women call the doctor their boyfriend. The shock value is really wearing thin.

Those are the unfiltered, self indulgently included thoughts (clearly I think my mindless commentary is important enough to warrant an entire section of the review, even though I could just use it to condense my actual judgement into more coherent points. Egotism, my old friend, you win again.)

One of the main issues I have with the episode, as you can probably tell, is its inconsistency. The Doctor is inconsistent, which is excusable to a point because it's a transitional episode but there's so much changing around, messing with the mythology (can he choose his new face? If he can, why does he express not wanting to be old over the phone? Did that conversation make it a fixed point in time that couldn't be changed?) and the mechanics of things. The memory thing was driving me nuts at the start of the episode. How much did he remember and, if he could remember Amy as evidenced by that one throwaway (but cruel) comment, why was he such a dick to Clara.

These eyes say, "Please, someone, give my character
some kind of arc or depth"

Then there's the issue of Clara. Oh dear, sweet Clara, the writers have not been kind to you. Clara is so, so very inconsistent, honestly she always has been. It feels like the showrunners (*cough* Moffat *cough cough*) never bothered giving her a character and so change her from episode to episode to suit the scenario. This episode is the worst for her so far, making her out to be shallow, judgemental, short-tempered, controlling, naggy... all perfectly fine traits to give a character, things to base an arc around even but they are all totally new. Clara has not once displayed even a hint of these traits in the past. Set up and pay off. Donna Noble in season 4 was set up as strong willed and and brazen but internally insecure, traits which were stuck to. With Clara... I couldn't begin to describe Clara other than by the most mundane of stock characteristics: brave, kind, loyal. She's a cardboard cut-out and it's terrible because I do like Jenna Coleman, she's not a bad actor and you can tell she's trying to do as much as she can with what she's given, just... aagh. I'm hoping this will improve but I'm afraid we might be too far gone with her at this point. Fingers fucking crossed.

Then there's the ever problematic writing of mister Stephen Moffat. It's been reported that Capaldi and Moffat have been having discourse on the set over various different things, one of them being the Doctor's past two incarnations being something of a lady's man and Capaldi being considerably older than either of them. From the episode, they seem to be establishing a purely platonic relationship between Clara and the Doctor, though coming to that conclusion was both predictable and long winded. The woman at the end of the episode seems to be a second River/Irene type character (as there is a popular theory that Moffat can only write two kinds of female characters and neither of them are great). I'm intrigued by her but can't help but feel she's the product of a compromise on Capadi's part.

Overall, for all my slamming it's beginnings, I am looking forward to the coming season. Peter Capaldi is shaping up to be a good and entertaining Doctor, if the writers stay on point and recognise that he isn't Matt Smith anymore, we might get back to decent Doctor Who. I might make this a regular thing, take notes then blog. Who knows.

Embrace the Madness