A friend of mind posted an article she wrote on her Facebook feed about men in abortion arguments. It's interesting, here's the link:
https://bowlbysaur.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/rampant-sexism-on-facebook/
Okay so I have a bunch of feelings about this.
Pet peeve out of the way, I'm not a fan of how gendered the whole pregnancy thing always becomes in abortion arguments because transmen/uterus havers who are not women are NEVER mentioned but given the world we live in it's a small thing as we're not there yet. It sucks but trans inclusive abortion discussions are not commonplace yet. Sigh.
On with the opinions.
I think all people should be allowed express their opinions on abortion without being told they should not have a say.
I think the issue many people saying (cis) men shouldn't have a say is one of perspective. I once heard an argument online in reference to child custody arguing that a father should have greater rights to custody because (brace yourself) "If you put a dollar into a vending machine and a coke comes out, is that coke yours? Or the vending machine's?"
Gross.
Both members of a baby making union (be it on purpose or not) have input into that potential child. In a fairer (though less economical) biological circumstance there'd be a 50/50 chance of either party getting a baby in em with every sexual encounter. Sexual politics would be hella different.
But things don't work that way. Cis men don't ever have to walk down the street and have it blatantly obvious that they put a baby in someone. Our society is such that men don't have the same weight of sexual shame placed on women. A cis man will never have to deal with being simultaneously blatantly pregnant AND blatantly male as transmen may (violence against trans people is bad as it is, imagine walking home at night with a life inside you as a neon sign saying "I'm a freak, feel free to brutally attack me". Sorry, I'm trying not to get too emotive but that's a personal fear of mine). Rape also happens and people end up with a nine month reminder of that. And cis men have the option to just skip out. To say "that's your problem" and not have to deal with a baby growing inside someone else thanks in part to them.
My (only cis male) ex was not pro-choice. We had many discussions about this and his main argument was "I couldn't deal with the lost potential, with that person not getting exist because they could have turned out to be anyone". My response was
"That's like asking me to keep a tenant in my apartment for you on short notice. Someone you've heard might turn out to be really great is coming into town and I have to house them. Neither of us get to see them for nine months and we'll all hang out a bunch when those months are up but in the meantime it's my apartment they're fucking with. They're eating food out of the fridge, they're moving things around so I can't find them, they're keeping me awake at night. And regardless of how much you help out by restocking my fridge or doing stuff for me it doesn't change the fact that your apartment is perfectly the way you left it during and after all this. Bear in mind this isn't something I've had time to prepare for. I wasn't able to "surprise tenant proof" my apartment in advance. But you're pretty sure this person is gonna be amazing and it's your right as much as mine to find out who they're gonna be. But it's my apartment. As my time. And my money and my mental health."
I don't know if I ever managed to sway him at all. But you see what I mean, there's an unfortunate disparity there.
So I'm pro choice. I don't deny that pregnancy is potential for life and all that but I don't think anyone should be obligated to keep a baby unless they want to. I think that's detrimental to both the parents as the child. And, if we've learned anything in the marriage referendum debate it's that children have a right to the good care.
